The notion that the 70% stat could be misleading was at least halfway plausible before "Eat, Pray, Love" (the movie came out in 2010). The prestige culture has only been accelerating its support for the "Eat, Pray, Love" mentality in the past 5 years. Meanwhile there remains zero support anywhere in the culture for men d…
The notion that the 70% stat could be misleading was at least halfway plausible before "Eat, Pray, Love" (the movie came out in 2010). The prestige culture has only been accelerating its support for the "Eat, Pray, Love" mentality in the past 5 years. Meanwhile there remains zero support anywhere in the culture for men doing the equivalent. It's hard not to notice this, or to take anyone seriously who comments on divorce while failing to observe it.
That women often initiate divorce for frivolous reasons is something we are in agreement on; the question is how often they do--and the corollary to it is how often men initiate divorce for good reasons. This is very relevant to what we should be telling young men about marriage.
If the percentage of frivolous female-initiated divorces and reasonable male-initiated divorces is high (which it might be) then the emphasis should be "young man, be cautious about who you marry;" if the percentages for both are low (which they might be), then the emphasis should be "young man, be a good man."
(As a side note, I attempted to hunt around for stats on this; while there have been surveys done on reasons for divorce, no one seems to have broken down the data by sex.)
"Be cautious about who you'll marry" is excellent advice, and it's entirely Biblical ("An excellent wife is her husband's crown, but she who brings shame is like rottenness in his bones.") Though it's also to some degree zero-sum and not very scalable. So I think the church as a whole should be thinking more about how to make more people marriageable, which is positive-sum.
The average marriageability of both sexes has decreased for a lot of reasons. This is partly why fewer people are getting married. On average, young people of both sexes are fatter, worse-groomed, and have worse social skills and resilience/coping skills ("mental health", as the kids say). There are also marriageability-reducing factors specific to each sex. And one factor specific to the female sex is that a prestigious message is being promulgated that frivolous divorce is acceptable for women.
This, above all, is why countercultural institutions like the church need to rebut that message specifically.
There are surely also men who think frivolous divorce is acceptable. Just as there are men who think it's OK to lie, cheat, and steal their way through life. The difference is that those notions are NOT receiving the support of prestige culture. So while the church still needs to rebut those ideas and instill virtue, it's not the same as a fight that needs to be waged against prestige culture.
Also, it's HARD to fight the prestige culture. And young men are a much easier target than young women. So it's easier to just fight the easier fights and call it a day.
This is right on.
The notion that the 70% stat could be misleading was at least halfway plausible before "Eat, Pray, Love" (the movie came out in 2010). The prestige culture has only been accelerating its support for the "Eat, Pray, Love" mentality in the past 5 years. Meanwhile there remains zero support anywhere in the culture for men doing the equivalent. It's hard not to notice this, or to take anyone seriously who comments on divorce while failing to observe it.
That women often initiate divorce for frivolous reasons is something we are in agreement on; the question is how often they do--and the corollary to it is how often men initiate divorce for good reasons. This is very relevant to what we should be telling young men about marriage.
If the percentage of frivolous female-initiated divorces and reasonable male-initiated divorces is high (which it might be) then the emphasis should be "young man, be cautious about who you marry;" if the percentages for both are low (which they might be), then the emphasis should be "young man, be a good man."
(As a side note, I attempted to hunt around for stats on this; while there have been surveys done on reasons for divorce, no one seems to have broken down the data by sex.)
"Be cautious about who you'll marry" is excellent advice, and it's entirely Biblical ("An excellent wife is her husband's crown, but she who brings shame is like rottenness in his bones.") Though it's also to some degree zero-sum and not very scalable. So I think the church as a whole should be thinking more about how to make more people marriageable, which is positive-sum.
The average marriageability of both sexes has decreased for a lot of reasons. This is partly why fewer people are getting married. On average, young people of both sexes are fatter, worse-groomed, and have worse social skills and resilience/coping skills ("mental health", as the kids say). There are also marriageability-reducing factors specific to each sex. And one factor specific to the female sex is that a prestigious message is being promulgated that frivolous divorce is acceptable for women.
This, above all, is why countercultural institutions like the church need to rebut that message specifically.
There are surely also men who think frivolous divorce is acceptable. Just as there are men who think it's OK to lie, cheat, and steal their way through life. The difference is that those notions are NOT receiving the support of prestige culture. So while the church still needs to rebut those ideas and instill virtue, it's not the same as a fight that needs to be waged against prestige culture.
Also, it's HARD to fight the prestige culture. And young men are a much easier target than young women. So it's easier to just fight the easier fights and call it a day.